Self-doubt: why trusting ourselves can be such a challenge
I wonder if you’ve found yourself in any of these situations:
- Endlessly procrastinating over decisions you want to make or actions you want to take.
- Torturing yourself over whether what you’re doing is the “right thing”.
- Feeling stressed and anxious that whatever you decide is the “wrong thing”.
- Regularly polling your friends, family and colleagues on what they would do in your situation.
- Feeling low, confused and lacking in confidence.
Self-doubt tends to shout louder when we are too busy, burned-out or when we’re encountering a new challenge like a promotion or new business.
Self-doubt as a symptom of something deeper
Self-doubt often arises as as a symptom of a deeper belief you have about yourself.
If you have a deeper belief of “I’m not clever enough”, “I’m not capable” or “I’m not good enough”, your brain is going to protect you from uncertainty and possible failure by nudging you away from making decisions, particularly significant ones that could change the course of your life for the better.
Where do these pesky, unhelpful beliefs come from?
Firstly, most of our limiting beliefs come from key events in our lives that impact on how we see ourselves. Events like being being told off by a teacher, failing an exam or encountering some kind of rejection can create skewed beliefs when we are younger that don’t serve us as adults.
Secondly, society also plays a role in feeding self-doubt. We don’t take classes in school called “how to make decisions that will make you happy”. Typically we’re told to work hard, get good grades, get a good job, get secure and then…that’s it. Inspiring? Not really. Consumerism exists to help us numb out, to avoid discomfort and look outside ourselves to “fix” our problems. All of this takes a bit of unpacking.
You can regain your clarity
Even though beliefs shape who you are and how you live your life, they are not fixed. They can be dissolved in a moment of insight. I help my clients let go of the beliefs that feed their self-doubt by helping them dissolve old, outdated ideas of who they are and what they are capable of.
We then focus on curating their environment to allow more space for reflection, self-connection and greater clarity on what it is they want and don’t want. We draw on a wealth of tools, techniques and practices to help reconnect with their inner wisdom and to make peace with the things they can’t control.
What can I do to address my self-doubt?
I recommend clearing some space, getting quiet and sitting in a comfortable position.
Next, ask yourself “if I could think of a time when I trusted myself and believed in my abilities, when would that be?“
Allow a relevant memory to pop up.
Now take in everything you experienced in the memory:
- How did you feel in your body?
- What did you see?
- what were the sounds you heard?
- What did you believe about yourself?
Enjoy how it feels to be in that moment. Remember you can return to it whenever you choose.
You can repeat this process as many times as you like, to anchor you in how it feels to have self-belief. This will send reminder to your brain that you can make decisions for yourself. It sows the seeds for more empowering beliefs like “I trust myself” or “I can make my own decisions”. When our beliefs begin to shift, the way we behave naturally shifts to align with them.
Finally, don’t be fooled by the myth that you need to feel 100% confident before you make a decision or go down a certain path. Confidence is often a by-product of taking action, not something you need before you take it.
It’s amazing how quickly you can gain clarity and confidence during a conversation. If you want to see how that feels then book in for your free Clarity and Confidence call today.
January 13th, 2021