Feeling stuck? Don’t struggle alone

Wading through treacle

“I don’t know Sally, sometimes I think I’ve got it but then I start to doubt myself and I’m back at square one. It just like I’m wading through treacle”. Nick, shrugged with irritation, rolling his eyes at his inability to fix his dilemma.

Like many of my clients, Nick wasn’t used to being stumped. A highly successful Director, he was used to being able to solve problems. Quickly. But this current dilemma was proving to require more than high IQ or reading a self-help book.

Nick was completely running on empty. He was good at what he did and was well respected at work, but he wasn’t feeling fulfilled. His days were filled with back -to-back meetings and was engaged in a never-ending battle to clear his inbox.

Outside of work he was a devoted family man and was constantly ferrying his children to matches or parties. He desperately wanted to be more present and calm with his loved ones, but in many ways his efforts resembled scooping water out of a sinking boat.

Was it his job that was the problem? Was it him? Did he need to find something new? Did he need to stay but with stronger boundaries? Should he quit, sell all his worldly possessions and live in a commune devoted to peace and love? What was next?

How Career Coaching helped Nick decide

Dissolving the assumptions that held him back

Like all of us, Nick had untrue, unexamined assumptions that were getting in the way of the clarity he wanted. Some of those assumptions were about him e.g. “I’m not allowed to rest” or “I’ll never be good enough”. Other assumptions were external, like the weight of other people’s expectations or what he felt he ‘should’ be doing.

Every time we dissolved a negative assumption, relief and more clarity soon followed.

Weighing up conflicting priorities

By using powerful coaching frameworks, I helped Nick look at his decisions through multiple lenses. He was able to decide which decisions would serve him short term vs long term, as well as what would benefit his family and wider community. By exploring conflicting priorities (rather than shying away from them) he could satisfy himself he was making the right choice.

Getting clarity on values

The world is always trying to tell us what’s most important. The truth is, given that our time and attention is limited, there can only be a very small number of values that define what is ‘most important’ to us.

When Nick became clear on his personal and work values, they supported his internal compass. From that moment of clarity, weighing up different opportunities became much more effortless.

Harnessing his strengths

From our work together, Nick was able to identify what he was good at and what put him in a flow state (an energising state of focus). This helped him regain some precious energy outside of work and gave him clarity on the kinds of roles that he would find more rewarding. As a gregarious people-person, Nick realised he needed more in-person contact in whatever role came next.

Calming his nervous system

When you’re weighing up a big career decision, the pressure behind that choice can create heightened stress and an inability to think clearly (convenient, I know). I taught Nick some tried and tested ways of guiding his mind and body to a calmer state which helped him access those elusive lightbulb moments. We also worked on him setting stronger boundaries at his current work so he could benefit from more high-quality downtime.

After a few sessions he told me he was sleeping through the night again which was a huge step forward for his energy levels. His enthusiasm for life and the future returned.

Taking action for clarity

The work Nick and I did in our sessions together lay the groundwork for him to take action with clarity and conviction. The work he did outside of our time together, including having conversations, researching, exploring and applying for positions created further clarity, even when things didn’t go the way he expected. The difference was Nick dared to act, rather than staying in the land of ‘what if?’

As the poet Rumi said “Once you walk along the way, the way appears”. If we wait for complete clarity before taking positive steps forwards, we may never dare to start.

Uninterrupted time to think

The question of “what is next?” had to be Nick’s decision. It had to belong completely to him and arise from his best, independent thinking. I am not a careers adviser. My role as coach is to facilitate his decision and to offer Nick the questions that could best unlock his thinking.

Now more than ever, our brains are absolutely flooded with information and well-intentioned ‘advice’ from those who we know and so called ‘experts’. One of the most important ways a career coach helps their client with a decision is to deeply listen to them, without interrupting.

It sounds so simple, doesn’t it? And yet when was the last time you were listened to, with someone’s full attention, without having your thoughts or words interrupted? The rise of technology and devices means that this is experience is becoming rare. Yet we’re all hungry for the deep attention we deserve.

The sad by-product of our distracted world is that people aren’t practising thinking for themselves, as themselves. Thinking is a skill like any other and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the rise of digital distraction has coincided with sky-rocketing levels of self-doubt and a lack of confidence in our ability to make our best decisions.

Simply having the uninterrupted time to think led to Nick having many magical moments of clarity. His eyes widened, he smiled wryly, he clearly recognised that at long last another piece of the puzzle had been put together.

Do you need help to decide what to do next?

I hope Nick’s story gives you an idea of how a career coach can help you make your best decisions.

If you’d like to explore working with me to decide your next steps then you’re welcome to book on to my free Clarity Call.

 

*A fictitious name to protect client confidentiality